Hi friends!!

Oh my goodness! I'm such a bad friend and LJer! I'm so sorry I haven't updated. Life has been crazy, at the least. Some big things have happened, but they've been good, too.

( I'll tell you all about it )

There are two things I'd like...

1) To go to Walt Disney World, because I've never been.

2) To get a MacBook (maybe even a Pro). I need a new computer really badly...I also need all the Adobe CS4s because I'm not able to do a lot of the work I need to for my projects.

But, I know it's another year until I graduate. So, my patience will definitely be exercised.

Guess this is just a little post to let you know I'm still alive....

....and in need of creamy peanut butter. CRAVE.

Love Love!

It's like an endless cycle. I hate it.

Finals are next week. I have a ton to do.

So, why am I on here? Because I'm a procrastinator just like always. I haven't had to write a paper all semester and here I am.

Okay. I'm done.

That's really all I have to say.

I won't say anything for fear that you all haven't read nor seen the movie.

But, I'm upset.

Way to make up half the movie.

Okay, well not yet. But, I LOVE Halloween! I love the smell of the air, the leaves that turn and fall from the trees and crunch beneath my feet. I love the smell of chimney smoke in the air, and the pumpkins to carve into jack-o-lanterns. I just LOVE it all!

Tonight Cross Chat is going to the scariest haunted house in St. Louis tonight! Well, supposedly. I'm REALLY excited. It's called "The Darkness". Ooh, I just LOVE stuff like that! I love scary movies, I love roller coasters...I think it's the adrenaline rush. Hahaha!

I'm getting side tracked. It's hours past when I started this. So, I'm going to stop writing.

Love Love Love

Happy Birthday, lottenore and flashing58!!! Love you guys!!!

I've been reading Twilight. It's taken me two weeks, and I'm still not finished. I have work and school, and I only read it in the evenings. But, it's a pretty okay book. I'll be honest and say, I probably won't finish the rest of them after this one. But, the girls I'm reaching out to in the dorm wanted me to read it, and so did a couple girls in the youth group at church, plus one of the youth leaders, so I borrowed the book from my friend and started reading it.

It's really well written. I like the characters a lot. I haven't been this into a book since Harry Potter, but I wouldn't really put it up right on the level of HP because I knew when I read The Sorcerer's Stone, I knew I wanted to keep reading and reading.

We'll see what happens when I finish this one.

I'm done writing, now, I think. I'm tired, and I would rather watch this movie (The Other Boleyn).

Love Love.

Oh, I know it isn't October, but I'm super excited for it. My birthday is the 1st and I don't know why, but I'm more excited for that birthday than I have any of my others! I'm going to be 26...not 25, or 20, or 18, or 30. Those seem like birthdays to be excited over (yeah, I'm actually kinda looking forward to my 30th birthday...but, give me another year or so, okay? I probably will take that back).

Homecoming is coming up. Hehe. It's October 18th-19th. I'm excited, because I was asked to design the Homecoming logo. To make the Lu Homecoming theme into a logo. The theme? "How sweet it is to love LU!" Haha, yeah, I know. corny, but oh well. I do what I'm told. I'll post it eventually so you can all take a looksee. :)

This semester, classes are time consuming and I don't have time for homework. I'm working 40 hrs Grad Assist, and I have to make up the hours I'm in daytime classes. Augh. It's crazy. I don't know when I have time for anything, but I've gotta make time for everything.

Anywho, I really don't feel like writing any more. I do want to send a shout-out to my good friend akelavincent who is getting married a week from Saturday! I wish I could be there, but unfortunately, there's another wedding of some people I go to church with now that I'm in. I will, however, try to make it to Searcy sometime soon.

Love Love.

I choose to be a big girl.

A Little Girl:

*Tends to be self-absorbed (selfish and insecure)
*Lacks discretion, insight and wisdom (doesn't think before she speaks acts)
*Makes others responsible for her happiness (seeks other's approval, doesn't realize she's the only one responsible for her happinesS)
*Avoids getting close to God (doesn't believe God has a plan for her)
*Has a hard time being a good friend (is always the taker, instead of a server)
*Takes a cynical approach to life and the future (worries about everything, and doesn't trust God to work things out)

A Big Girl:
*Care more about others than herself (sensitive to others' needs, always looking for something she can do for others)
*Possesses remarkable discretion, insight and wisdom (thinks before she speaks and acts)
*Understands that she is the only one responsible for her happiness
*Invites God to be part of all that she does (recognizes her place in God's plan)
*Delights in being a good friend (contributes to her friends' lives instead of draining them)
*Sees her life as valuable but fleeting (realized that she needs to worry about what she needs to do today and takes responsibility for that)

So, I'm taking this Internet course. It's pretty easy, a lot of things I've already learned. We're supposed to make a blog and post an entry, but I got permission to use my regular Livejournal.

I have this bad feeling we don't have class today. Only three people are here, and Dr. Dude isn't even here. I accidentally missed class on Friday, so it's probably a true assumption I'm making. Haha. Especially, since it's like, 4 after.

Anyway, here I am, writing on here for an assignment.

And people in my past. People I haven't seen in ages, people I love, people I lost. That's just what the morning has been full of for me so far.

I haven't been back to California in almost 5 years. It's been four an a half, now, I believe. I'm planning on heading back to the Golden State in December for Christmas. I told my parents I would be spending Christmas in Reseda with my grandparents, aunt and uncle, and cousins. They aren't very happy about that decision, but it's for the best. Especially, because my heart just cannot handle another Christmas in Tennessee. I hope I will be able to spend at least two weeks or more there. I want to be able to go back up to Atascadero and see some people I haven't seen in a long time; the people I nannied for, the neighbors across the street from where I used to live, and then the neighbors I walked llamas with. I hope my old neighbors across the street know the people who live in my old house now, and maybe they can help me visit the old place. Also, I want to visit some of the people I used to go to church with back at Northside. That would be such a blast!

When I'm in Los Angeles, though, I want to go back to Disneyland. And I already asked miwseshat if she and flameian would like to join me. I'd also like to see peasantqueen, her husband and my baby niece. Maybe rhesagirl, maybe felis_legio and angelajtorres if they're up for it.

I think about all the people I knew/know at my old school. They're either dating, engaged, married, having babies, divorced, or decided to live a homosexual lifestyle. Ah, the many, many things that Harding University can change you to be. Not to mention, can turn you into a self-righteous, prideful person who people don't want to be around. Yeah, that was me. Praise God for the work He has done in my life the last 2 years. I'm a changed woman, thanks to Him.

I thought I'd make it down to Searcy again before the summer was up, but that didn't happen. Again. I really would like to visit some of my friends down there for some good quality time, but with gas prices as they are (though they are falling), and the fact that I have no money, that didn't work.

I went through some of my stuff so I could move into the dorms next week. I found an old AIM convo between me and my first and only boyfriend. I don't even know why I saved it. It was our "decide to date" convo. My friend snatched it up and started reading it, complete with voices. She made me sound so completely stupid. I know she was just playing around, and meant nothing by it, but when I heard her read my words, and then his, and back and forth again, I was absolutely mortified. I couldn't believe how silly the whole thing was. Granted, I learned a lot, and my ex and I are still good friends, but I'm glad that I have grown and learned from that, and other people's relationships enough to learn from. Oh man.

Okay, I'm done for now. I need to get to cleaning the house.

Love. Love. Love.

Sorry, guys. I am SO a So You Think You Can Dance? FIEND! YES! When Kat Deely announced that Twitch was staying I SCREAMED at the top of my lungs, and scared my two friends who were in the room with me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Mark. He's a great dancer, but I'm partial to Twitch. He's too adorable, and chocolate. Mmm. I love Chocolate. I will admit that Twitch should have gone home over Will last week, but what happened, happened. I loved Kherrington, too, and I think Comfort should have gone home before she did, but, like I said: what happened, happened.

Anywho. I got overdrawn this week, like I was afraid of. It took more than half of the check that Mikah gave me for watching the kids. So, now I have $20 dollars to live off of for the next week. That's gas, phone bill (which is more than $20 dollars) and any other necessary items I may need. I'm gonna ration and scrape, but I'll be fine. I know it. God's already done some powerful things this week.

I was given full control of the CD ministry at church. Meaning, I am the head designer for the CD labels for the sermons we record and sell in the bookstore for a few dollars. The guy who was in charge of it was looking for someone to take over, and I, along with another girl, were helping out with it. We kinda got lazy with it, especially me at the beginning of the summer, and so I was convicted pretty freakin hardcore about it one night and decided...I need to step up and do what I learned in my QBQ book and do what needs to be done, because I can't just sit by and say, "Why doesn't someone do this?" when I'm not doing it myself. The old leader of the ministry is involved in a few more ministries and is getting married soon, so this was one more thing on his plate that he didn't need. So, I brought my old desktop (which is newer than the one that we were using) up to the church today, we set it up, and then he prayed over me and the ministry. I'm ready to give back 110,000,000% more than I was given. This church has given me more than I deserve, God's given me more than I deserve, and it's time to give back.

So I want Chinese food in the WORST way. I wish I had money, I would LOVE to go get some. Mmmm, miwseshat, Tam's sounds GREAT right now. By the way, are we still on for Christmas? As soon as I get the money, I'm buying my ticket to CA. What do you think?

Okay, it's bed time. I need to wash the clothes that I want to wear tomorrow to work, and I need to shave my legs.

Much love to you all! It feels good to be back here.

Just remember, when you say you're happy, it's only a feeling that comes and goes. But being content, that lasts a lifetime.

Disclaimer: This is not a "poor me" entry. Not in the least. It's just a, sort things out in my mind entry. Tell myself to stop whining entry. Show myself (read) that it's always been okay, so it will be okay entry. So, now that we have that cleared up, here we go.

Back into the "don't worry about money" thing. I pretty much live off of $100 dollars a week. It's pretty doable, except when you're trying to reach out and serve. My parents want me to worry more about money, and I want to worry LESS about money. Especially since the Bible talks about God taking care of me. He's always come through for me when it comes to fulfilling my financial needs, but there's just a certain type of security I find in money, which I hate with every ounce of my being.

So, right now, after bills and crap, I pretty much have about 15 dollars to live off of. Yesterday, I went to the $3 dollar show with a girl I'm reaching out to, and I paid for her because she's an international student and doesn't have a job or any money, really. I also paid for her lunch at Taco Bell. All of that cost about $12 dollars. And then of course, gas prices are going down in the area (from 3.98 to 3.73), and I drive every where I go...it's just not cutting it.

I think the thing I keep thinking about is that I'm almost 26 years old, I should have my own money and shouldn't have to ask my parents to help me fix my car (which cost about 823 dollars) , nor should I have to ask my parents for gas money. I should be an independent, working woman. Doing everything on my own. Without their help. I've used them my entire life, so why do I need to ask them for money? During the semesters I'm fine. This summer, the only person I'm working for is that lady at church whose kids I nanny twice a week.

But, when I'm faithful, things work out. I'm doing things for the kingdom. It won't be bad but for a few more weeks. And technically, it's not bad at all! It's just a rough patch, and I've been through those before and things worked out just the way they needed to.

I'm learning and I'm growing. That's what it's all about.

Luke 12:22-34
Don't Worry
22 Jesus said to his followers, "So I tell you, don't worry about the food you need to live, or about the clothes you need for your body. 23 Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothes.24 Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest, they don't have storerooms or barns, but God feeds them. And you are worth much more than birds.25 You cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it.26 If you cannot do even the little things, then why worry about the big things?27 Consider how the lilies grow; they don't work or make clothes for themselves. But I tell you that even Solomon with his riches was not dressed as beautifully as one of these flowers.28 God clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today but tomorrow is thrown into the fire. So how much more will God clothe you? Don't have so little faith!29 Don't always think about what you will eat or what you will drink, and don't keep worrying.30 All the people in the world are trying to get these things, and your Father knows you need them. 31 But seek God's kingdom, and all your other needs will be met as well.

Don't Trust in Money
32 "Don't fear, little flock, because your Father wants to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Get for yourselves purses that will not wear out, the treasure in heaven that never runs out, where thieves can't steal and moths can't destroy. 34 Your heart will be where your treasure is.

P.S.
Everything's gone on my side panel, and my banners gone. Anyone wanna help me fix that? I think I might just go back to a silly, mundane layout.

I've been doing a LOT of graphics lately. We have to have these "slides" for a channel that the University has. The slides are informative and usually have to do with blood drives, check-ins, art shows, whatever else is going on on campus. So, I have to have the first several months of those done. Also, we have to have the Homecoming logo finished by the end of the month, but I need a Wacom in order to create this font that the Student Activities director (who happens to be my church's campus minister). So, they're trying to get me a hold of one of those little beauties so I can make magic! I'm also working on a logo for a group at my church called "Mom 2 Mom". Which, as you probably could figure out, is a group for moms to get together and just talk and hang out for about an hour. So, I'm trying to be creative with that.

I don't really have a lot to say. Other than, I'm officially flat broke. Okay, well, I have about 17 dollars in my bank account, and my van broke down and it's going to cost over $800 to fix it. Which, of course, I don't have. So, my dad's going to figure out what he can do to help me. Good gracious. A girl goes 11 months without a car, then gets one that lasts a month, and then it craps out on her. Go figure.

I didn't have to work today because they're putting in a new window in our office (the student activities office). So, I got to stay home today. I just went outside, layed out, read my book, and also my Bible. You know, the NCV Bible is like reading the Bible in my own language. I love it! It's the best translation, even better than NIV. I have to say! This may be bad, but I enjoy reading my Bible more now than I ever have. I can't put it down. I highly suggest you get a copy if you don't have one!

On that note, I just realized the reason I'm starving is because it's almost 1:30. So, I'm going to make myself some lunch, get ready, and head to campus to visit some peeps.

Love Love Love!

Does anyone know how to type on an acutal keyboard anymore? Seriously.

I was at Walmart getting an oil change and the lady was seriously typing on the keyboard with her THUMBS. Now, I realize that's how we text nowadays. But, really? Have people actually forgotten how to type correctly on a keyboard because of texting?

Now, I admit. I do not type with all the correct fingers on the correct keys. But, I do, and can type quickly and efficiently with few mistakes.

It's just really funny to me. That's all.

Discuss.

P.S.
This isn't a put-down. I just think it's funny.

I went to the Crossings Youth Camp 08. It's our church's youth camp, with our sister church. It was so amazing. I've been to camps before, but when our church does stuff, they blow people out of the water. And man, did they. Woo!

I know the week was for the kids, but I learned SO much about myself. Our theme was MADE, like the T.V. show. And the Jr. and Sr. High were broken up into 6 teams. BET, MTV, VH1, ABC, CMT and Lifetime. They made up cheers for their teams, and we had a gigantic water balloon capture the flag game. There was an abstacle course where they had to scale a 12 foot wall, then crawl on their bellies through some mud, run tires, joust some people in the water, remember scriptures. We swam in a lake all week (well, except for the days it rained), had a giant slip n slide made out of tarps. It was amazing.

The lessons were spectacular also. Each based on a show. Rob & Big, Hell Date, Sweet 16, Charm School, among some. Rob & Big was about finding fellowship in people that mean the most to you, mainly your Christian brothers and sisters. Hell Date (for the girls class) was about dating, making sure that you are equally yoked. Setting your standards for men that are stanards God would set for you. Charm School was about not being a spoiled brat and expecting everything to be handed to you, but serving because to receive, you have to give. It was just all so good.

In one of the lessons that our preacher's wife was teaching, told us that we hide behind our phones. We text and call, which is all good, but it gets to the point where we are always on our phone. Always have it with us. It's always open and we're always texting. And it was time to be out there, be out of ourselves, and focus on other people. I decided that I was going to cut back on texting. I turned off my Twitter account from receiving updates and have decided to only text when neccessary. So, yeah.

That's pretty much my week at camp. It was amazing, and I personally want to be MADE into a self-confident, strong, woman of God. I told my small group leader that, too. And she's going to help me to become exactly that. I'm too old, and have been a Christian who claims to be secure in Christ far too long to be insecure to where it really takes over my life.

Maybe that makes sense, maybe it doesn't. But, that's where I stand. I'm going to get back to work now.

Much love.

Here's the answer the the nudges. LOL

Hi everyone. LJ hasn't seen me since the new year. It's because of Grad School and doing stuff with the campus ministry...

...Oh my God! There was a BUG in my SHIRT! GAH!

Anyway...I don't really have anything new to report. Well, I guess maybe that I completed my first semester of Grad School. I got an A, B and a C. Not too shabby. I have a Grad Assist position, which is basically a work and learn/work study program where I work 40 hrs a week and everything is paid for. School, housing, food, everything. I work in Student Activities where my campus minister and friend, Kerry, is the Student Activities director. He sets up and organizes all the campus events. Also, Frats and Sororities come to him if they want to put something on and he helps them fund it, depending on the logistics. So, what do I do? Oh, I do every piece of art/advertising that comes out of there. That's a lot of stuff, let me tell you! So, it's well worth the 40 hrs.

Um, I got a new car. After going 11 months without on, I have a 97 Oldsmobile Silhouette, (sp?) MiniVan. It's my pirate ship. I pretty much love it. Its got power sliding doors, rear air and cool stuff like that. Pretty much amazing. 125 miles on it, but I got it for $3000 and I can use it for hauling peeps around. Especially since I have a lot of International friends who don't have cars.

Also...I'm going to be spending Christmas in California with my Grands, Aunt and Uncle and Cousins. I cannot handle another Christmas in Tennessee. I'm always miserable, even when I try my dang hardest to have a good attitude. So, this year it's California. miwseshat and rhesagirl, I'm going to Disneyland. If you would like to plan a trip with me, I would absolutely LOVE it. miwseshat, you know that flameian and Ken are more than welcome, also. I'm hoping to get some time to see Hannah and my baby niece! Also perhaps Lee and Angela and their new baby! My heart LONGS for California and I'll finally have the money to fulfill it!

Anyway, that's about it. Hope everyone's summer is going well. Much love to all!

Hi Friends! Happy New Year. I can't believe it's 2008. Now when I accidentally write '08 on something it won't be an accident. Yeah. I really did do that a lot.

Anyway...I wanted to ask for your prayers for my family. I am very angry and praying for God to help me let it go...but, I happened to check my email tonight which I hadn't done in about 4 days. I found two emails from my mom. One of them was passed on by a dear older lady friend at my old church back in California. Her husband had passed away. I was so sad when I read this email. I started to cry and moved on to the next email...my grandmother, my mom's mom, the one who has Alzheimer's and Dementia is in a type of coma right now. She wasn't eating or drinking and they put her on an I.V. Now she just lays there sleeping, not waking up. This is what I was very angry about. Why would you email your daughter something like that instead of calling and telling her?

I called my mom and got no answer. I called my dad and got no answer. I called my mom again, no answer. So, I waited and my dad called me. I got him to tell me what was going on and then he dropped another bombshell on me. My Grandpa...my dad's dad, had surgery yesterday. He has a cancerous spot on his lung and it had spread into his lymphnodes. What? Why would you not tell me about this via the phone? They are going to start Chemo or Radiation sometime soon.

I guess all that to say...I'm having a rough night. I'm not really sure what to do right now except pray.

I'm torn up the most about my granddaddy though. My grandmother has had Alzheimers and Dementia for years now. I don't even know how many...but, her death is something my entire family has come to expect. I know that sounds so horrible/harsh, and I know you all know I don't mean it like that. But, when you don't see a grandparent who is failing like that for a very long time (I hadn't seen her in about three years and just saw her for the first time at Christmas in Tennessee) you just come to let go, you know?

My granddaddy, though. I mean, I'm close to him and my Nana. They live in Los Angeles and I think after everything with my other grandparents happened, my brother and I just kind of grew closer to my dad's parents. haven't seen them since my brother's wedding, going on two years now. I miss them so so much. My dad told me to call them as often as possible. It's hard to think about what may happen, so all I'm doing is praying for a miracle.

The thing that bothers me most is that he never smoked. So, why lung cancer? He had prostate cancer about ten years ago and overcame that...

I don't know. But, I my family really does need all of your prayers right now. My granddaddy's name is John Kennedy (like my dad), and my Grandmother's name is Dorothy Duncan (that's my mom's mom). Oh, and the lady I was close with back at my old church, her name is Velma. So pray for her and her family.

Thanks, Friends. I love you all.

I spent some time with Ms. Sharon today. She went to lunch with my parents and I, and then after my dad went back to work the three of us ladies sat in the truck and talked for a long, long time. I got some light shed on some things and I feel more content (not necessarily less hurt or angry) but I feel like I understand a lot of things better and that I can heal a bit from it and pray with more power than I ever have before.

I wasn't looking forward to Christmas in Tennessee, but I'm okay with it now. I still may get to see Ms Sharon again tomorrow (by the way, that's my sis in law's amazing step mom) and we're going to look at Christmas lights, plus I will get to see my friend Dustin from NeoTez and also my lovely Carey. So, I'm pretty excited.

God will always change things. He changes people that don't want to be changed every day. I just have to build up the faith to remember that always. Everything works for the good of those who love the Lord.

Merry Christmas, my Friends.