A ShieldMaiden's Musings [entries|friends|calendar] I Just Showed Up for My Own Life NAVIGATION [x] current [x] comrades [x] about her [x] past musings [x] memories [x] shieldmaiden inc REFLEX SYMPATHETIC DYSTROPHE SYNDROME RSDS Association RSD Awareness RSD Awareness Bracelets More RSD Awareness Bracelets FELLOW WARRIORS The Troops The Right-Hand Lady The Other Right-Hand Lady My Evil Twin My Lady Jennifer My Lady Julie My Lady Niff Sir Jason Sir Andrew Sir Jeremy Sir Rick Sir Paulo Sir Steve MUSINGS In open fields of wildflowers, she breathes the air and flies away. She thanks her Jesus for the daisies and the roses in no simple language, some day she'll understand the meaning of it all. He is more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens. As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips. Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him. Somday He'll call her and she will come running, and fall in His arms, and tears will fall down and she'll say, "I want to fall in love with You." -Jars of Clay [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

I Don't Really Know What to Write Here. [17 Jul 2008|12:55am] [ mood | good ] I've been doing a LOT of graphics lately. We have to have these "slides" for a channel that the University has. The slides are informative and usually have to do with blood drives, check-ins, art shows, whatever else is going on on campus. So, I have to have the first several months of those done. Also, we have to have the Homecoming logo finished by the end of the month, but I need a Wacom in order to create this font that the Student Activities director (who happens to be my church's campus minister). So, they're trying to get me a hold of one of those little beauties so I can make magic! I'm also working on a logo for a group at my church called "Mom 2 Mom". Which, as you probably could figure out, is a group for moms to get together and just talk and hang out for about an hour. So, I'm trying to be creative with that. I don't really have a lot to say. Other than, I'm officially flat broke. Okay, well, I have about 17 dollars in my bank account, and my van broke down and it's going to cost over $800 to fix it. Which, of course, I don't have. So, my dad's going to figure out what he can do to help me. Good gracious. A girl goes 11 months without a car, then gets one that lasts a month, and then it craps out on her. Go figure. I didn't have to work today because they're putting in a new window in our office (the student activities office). So, I got to stay home today. I just went outside, layed out, read my book, and also my Bible. You know, the NCV Bible is like reading the Bible in my own language. I love it! It's the best translation, even better than NIV. I have to say! This may be bad, but I enjoy reading my Bible more now than I ever have. I can't put it down. I highly suggest you get a copy if you don't have one! On that note, I just realized the reason I'm starving is because it's almost 1:30. So, I'm going to make myself some lunch, get ready, and head to campus to visit some peeps. Love Love Love! 3 swords wielded| Wield your sword

Touch Typing. [18 Jun 2008|03:35pm] [ mood | amused ] Does anyone know how to type on an acutal keyboard anymore? Seriously. I was at Walmart getting an oil change and the lady was seriously typing on the keyboard with her THUMBS. Now, I realize that's how we text nowadays. But, really? Have people actually forgotten how to type correctly on a keyboard because of texting? Now, I admit. I do not type with all the correct fingers on the correct keys. But, I do, and can type quickly and efficiently with few mistakes. It's just really funny to me. That's all. Discuss. P.S. This isn't a put-down. I just think it's funny. 7 swords wielded| Wield your sword

Back from Camp. [16 Jun 2008|01:03pm] [ mood | contemplative ] I went to the Crossings Youth Camp 08. It's our church's youth camp, with our sister church. It was so amazing. I've been to camps before, but when our church does stuff, they blow people out of the water. And man, did they. Woo! I know the week was for the kids, but I learned SO much about myself. Our theme was MADE, like the T.V. show. And the Jr. and Sr. High were broken up into 6 teams. BET, MTV, VH1, ABC, CMT and Lifetime. They made up cheers for their teams, and we had a gigantic water balloon capture the flag game. There was an abstacle course where they had to scale a 12 foot wall, then crawl on their bellies through some mud, run tires, joust some people in the water, remember scriptures. We swam in a lake all week (well, except for the days it rained), had a giant slip n slide made out of tarps. It was amazing. The lessons were spectacular also. Each based on a show. Rob & Big, Hell Date, Sweet 16, Charm School, among some. Rob & Big was about finding fellowship in people that mean the most to you, mainly your Christian brothers and sisters. Hell Date (for the girls class) was about dating, making sure that you are equally yoked. Setting your standards for men that are stanards God would set for you. Charm School was about not being a spoiled brat and expecting everything to be handed to you, but serving because to receive, you have to give. It was just all so good. In one of the lessons that our preacher's wife was teaching, told us that we hide behind our phones. We text and call, which is all good, but it gets to the point where we are always on our phone. Always have it with us. It's always open and we're always texting. And it was time to be out there, be out of ourselves, and focus on other people. I decided that I was going to cut back on texting. I turned off my Twitter account from receiving updates and have decided to only text when neccessary. So, yeah. That's pretty much my week at camp. It was amazing, and I personally want to be MADE into a self-confident, strong, woman of God. I told my small group leader that, too. And she's going to help me to become exactly that. I'm too old, and have been a Christian who claims to be secure in Christ far too long to be insecure to where it really takes over my life. Maybe that makes sense, maybe it doesn't. But, that's where I stand. I'm going to get back to work now. Much love. 1 sword wielded| Wield your sword

Here a Nudge. There a Nudge. Everywhere a Nudge, Nudge. [05 Jun 2008|10:31pm] Here's the answer the the nudges. LOL Hi everyone. LJ hasn't seen me since the new year. It's because of Grad School and doing stuff with the campus ministry... ...Oh my God! There was a BUG in my SHIRT! GAH! Anyway...I don't really have anything new to report. Well, I guess maybe that I completed my first semester of Grad School. I got an A, B and a C. Not too shabby. I have a Grad Assist position, which is basically a work and learn/work study program where I work 40 hrs a week and everything is paid for. School, housing, food, everything. I work in Student Activities where my campus minister and friend, Kerry, is the Student Activities director. He sets up and organizes all the campus events. Also, Frats and Sororities come to him if they want to put something on and he helps them fund it, depending on the logistics. So, what do I do? Oh, I do every piece of art/advertising that comes out of there. That's a lot of stuff, let me tell you! So, it's well worth the 40 hrs. Um, I got a new car. After going 11 months without on, I have a 97 Oldsmobile Silhouette, (sp?) MiniVan. It's my pirate ship. I pretty much love it. Its got power sliding doors, rear air and cool stuff like that. Pretty much amazing. 125 miles on it, but I got it for $3000 and I can use it for hauling peeps around. Especially since I have a lot of International friends who don't have cars. Also...I'm going to be spending Christmas in California with my Grands, Aunt and Uncle and Cousins. I cannot handle another Christmas in Tennessee. I'm always miserable, even when I try my dang hardest to have a good attitude. So, this year it's California. miwseshat and rhesagirl, I'm going to Disneyland. If you would like to plan a trip with me, I would absolutely LOVE it. miwseshat, you know that flameian and Ken are more than welcome, also. I'm hoping to get some time to see Hannah and my baby niece! Also perhaps Lee and Angela and their new baby! My heart LONGS for California and I'll finally have the money to fulfill it! Anyway, that's about it. Hope everyone's summer is going well. Much love to all! 4 swords wielded| Wield your sword

Untitled. [08 Jan 2008|10:40pm] [ mood | praying ] Hi Friends! Happy New Year. I can't believe it's 2008. Now when I accidentally write '08 on something it won't be an accident. Yeah. I really did do that a lot. Anyway...I wanted to ask for your prayers for my family. I am very angry and praying for God to help me let it go...but, I happened to check my email tonight which I hadn't done in about 4 days. I found two emails from my mom. One of them was passed on by a dear older lady friend at my old church back in California. Her husband had passed away. I was so sad when I read this email. I started to cry and moved on to the next email...my grandmother, my mom's mom, the one who has Alzheimer's and Dementia is in a type of coma right now. She wasn't eating or drinking and they put her on an I.V. Now she just lays there sleeping, not waking up. This is what I was very angry about. Why would you email your daughter something like that instead of calling and telling her? I called my mom and got no answer. I called my dad and got no answer. I called my mom again, no answer. So, I waited and my dad called me. I got him to tell me what was going on and then he dropped another bombshell on me. My Grandpa...my dad's dad, had surgery yesterday. He has a cancerous spot on his lung and it had spread into his lymphnodes. What? Why would you not tell me about this via the phone? They are going to start Chemo or Radiation sometime soon. I guess all that to say...I'm having a rough night. I'm not really sure what to do right now except pray. I'm torn up the most about my granddaddy though. My grandmother has had Alzheimers and Dementia for years now. I don't even know how many...but, her death is something my entire family has come to expect. I know that sounds so horrible/harsh, and I know you all know I don't mean it like that. But, when you don't see a grandparent who is failing like that for a very long time (I hadn't seen her in about three years and just saw her for the first time at Christmas in Tennessee) you just come to let go, you know? My granddaddy, though. I mean, I'm close to him and my Nana. They live in Los Angeles and I think after everything with my other grandparents happened, my brother and I just kind of grew closer to my dad's parents. haven't seen them since my brother's wedding, going on two years now. I miss them so so much. My dad told me to call them as often as possible. It's hard to think about what may happen, so all I'm doing is praying for a miracle. The thing that bothers me most is that he never smoked. So, why lung cancer? He had prostate cancer about ten years ago and overcame that... I don't know. But, I my family really does need all of your prayers right now. My granddaddy's name is John Kennedy (like my dad), and my Grandmother's name is Dorothy Duncan (that's my mom's mom). Oh, and the lady I was close with back at my old church, her name is Velma. So pray for her and her family. Thanks, Friends. I love you all. 10 swords wielded| Wield your sword

Excited. [24 Dec 2007|05:57pm] [ mood | content ] I spent some time with Ms. Sharon today. She went to lunch with my parents and I, and then after my dad went back to work the three of us ladies sat in the truck and talked for a long, long time. I got some light shed on some things and I feel more content (not necessarily less hurt or angry) but I feel like I understand a lot of things better and that I can heal a bit from it and pray with more power than I ever have before. I wasn't looking forward to Christmas in Tennessee, but I'm okay with it now. I still may get to see Ms Sharon again tomorrow (by the way, that's my sis in law's amazing step mom) and we're going to look at Christmas lights, plus I will get to see my friend Dustin from NeoTez and also my lovely Carey. So, I'm pretty excited. God will always change things. He changes people that don't want to be changed every day. I just have to build up the faith to remember that always. Everything works for the good of those who love the Lord. Merry Christmas, my Friends. 2 swords wielded| Wield your sword

Hello Old Friend! [05 Dec 2007|03:53pm] Wow, look at this Livejournal! Life has surely taken over. In fact, yesterday, I was just thinking about all of my LJ friends and wondering how they were and what they were doing. I went back to affirming_faith and looked around and longed to sit down and whip out some icons. Yeah, I wish. Man. I have three HUGE graphics projects due next week for finals. I don't know how I'm going to get them all done especially if I 1) have a funeral in southern Illinois to go to on Friday, then 2) and spending Friday night and part of Saturday with some kids that we tutor on Wednesday afternoon at an over night retreat and then 3) I'm on RA duty Saturday night (guess I could work on them then) in the dorm. WHEW! Beka/autumnjoy, I miss working with you! The icontest looks like it's going pretty strong. I'm so happy! Well, I'm supposed to be cleaning my room now and also getting ready for class at six. Augh. Then after that I'm hanging out with my friend Jennie who has a suprise for me! I don't know what we're going to do, but I'm so excited! :) I think on Sunday or Monday night I'm going to try and go downtown to the old part of town and walk up and down the streets because they've hung pine greens everywhere and people are dressed up like Ye Olde Charles Dickens time and are playing parts and strolling around and selling things and making Chestnuts over an open fire!!! I LOVE that kind of thing!!! Maybe my friend Wes will go with me. I dunno. My friend James is the town Crier. The best part about it is that my friend Betsy is a flower girl who sells flowers and this little girl was buying a flower from her and James (the Crier) was yelling to the little girl from across the street, "Don't buy a flow'a from 'er, lit'l girl!" and she yelled right back at him, "I don't believe you! You're the Town LIAR!" LOL! So funny. Anyway. Please tell me how you all are! I do miss you! I try to log on as often as possible and catch up. Much love and Holiday wishes and SNOW! 4 swords wielded| Wield your sword

Just Wondering... [07 Nov 2007|12:18am] [ mood | cold ] [ music | Watershed ] Who is a Twit? 1 sword wielded| Wield your sword

This Is Hallowe'en!!! [31 Oct 2007|09:42am] [ mood | energetic ] [ music | This Is Halloween - Nightmare Before Christmas ] This is TOTALLY my favorite Holiday! P.S., does anyone mind sharing with me, again, how to do an LJ cut? I forgot! This Is Halloween [SHADOW] Boys and girls of every age Wouldn't you like to see something strange? [SIAMESE SHADOW] Come with us and you will see This, our town of Halloween [PUMPKIN PATCH CHORUS] This is Halloween, this is Halloween Pumpkins scream in the dead of night [GHOSTS] This is Halloween, everybody make a scene Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright It's our town, everybody screm In this town of Halloween [CREATURE UNDER THE BED] I am the one hiding under your bed Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red [MAN UNDER THE STAIRS] I am the one hiding under yours stairs Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair [CORPSE CHORUS] This is Halloween, this is Halloween [VAMPIRES] Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! In this town we call home Everyone hail to the pumpkin song [MAYOR] In this town, don't we love it now? Everybody's waiting for the next surprise [CORPSE CHORUS] Round that corner, man hiding in the trash cam Something's waiting no to pounce, and how you'll... [HARLEQUIN DEMON, WEREWOLF & MELTING MAN] Scream! This is Halloween Red 'n' black, slimy green [WEREWOLF] Aren't you scared? [WITCHES] Well, that's just fine Say it once, say it twice Take a chance and roll the dice Ride with the moon in the dead of night [HANGING TREE] Everybody scream, everbody scream [HANGED MEN] In our town of Halloween! [CLOWN] I am the clown with the tear-away face Here in a flash and gone without a trace [SECOND GHOUL] I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?" I am the wind blowing through your hair [OOGIE BOOGIE SHADOW] I am the shadow on the moon at night Filling your dreams to the brim with fright [CORPSE CHORUS] This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! [CHILD CORPSE TRIO] Tender lumplings everywhere Life's no fun without a good scare [PARENT CORPSES] That's our job, but we're not mean In our town of Halloween [CORPSE CHORUS] In this town [MAYOR] Don't we love it now? [CORPSE CHORUS] Skeleton Jack might catch you in the back And scream like a banshee Make you jump out of your skin This is Halloween, everyone scream Wont' ya please make way for a very special guy Our man jack is King of the Pumpkin patch Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King [EVERYONE] This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! [CORPSE CHILD TRIO] In this town we call home Everyone hail to the pumpkin song [EVERYONE] La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween! [Repeat] 2 swords wielded| Wield your sword

Things. [25 Sep 2007|10:52am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Plain White T's ] Things I've been faced with and am trying to change lately: My attitude. I think that this change is almost 100% complete. I am more positive about situtations and whatever rolls my way, because I am becoming more secure* in who my Lord is and that He will take care of me. For instance, my car is pretty much a money pit, and I can't afford to fix it and my parents can't afford to help me fix it. It will probably cost more money to fix the dang thing than get a new used one. So, there it sits in the parking lot of my dorm. This is okay with me! True, I do get sad about it every once in a while, but it's because I can't take all the people I am reaching out to to Cross Chat or Church on Thursdays/Sundays. This makes me very sad. Otherwise, I've been able to get to work, and wherever I need to go every day, because I have a great family** that helps me out when I need it by letting me borrow their cars or taking me where I need to go. It's hard to depend on others, but even Jesus depended on others - He took his friends with Him to the garden to pray. *Security. Being secure in who I am, Being secure in who takes care of me. This one is changing, but not as rapidly as my attitude. I should find my security in God, but a lot of the times I am so insecure. If I am insecure, that means I am focused on myself...how I look, if people like ME...and this last weekend I realized, that is SELFISH. I'm selfish. I need to be more out of myself, more outward focused, because the people I reach out to need the focus. They need to know they are loved and cared about, and I can't show that if I wonder if some girl who I think is prettier than me will like me or what she will think. It can't work like that. Which leads me into being secure in who takes care of me... Trust. I don't think I trust enough at all. In fact, if I had a handy dandy trust-o-meter, it would be like 3 out of 10 I think. I worry...I don't worry as much as I used to, but I still worry. And worry...is a lack of trust. A lack of trust that it will all work out, and that God knows the outcome. He has kept His end of the deal...and I don't keep mine at all. Well, at least not always. Like I said with my car situation, God has worked it out EVERY time. He has sent people who will always help me when I need it. People I would do anything for, and who would do anything for me...that's my family. **My Spiritual Family. I have been rereading The Purpose Driven Life...I like the book, there are some things that I don't like, but for the most part I like it. There is a chapter in there about the Spiritual Family and how it is more important that my earthly family. Wow. That is so hard for me to swallow. I struggle with having a good relationship with my brother and my sister-in-law and my friend who is so much like a little sister to me...my heart feels abandoned. My cell leader told me that the most I can do is keep pouring out the love, keeping calling and leaving messages and letting them know I love them and was thinking about them. Obviously, not in a stalker-creeper type way, but just because I am their friend/sister and I love and want a relationship with them. My walls go up when my heart is hurt, and that is selfish of me. I want to protect my own heart, but I need to love unconditionally, without fear of rejection. People rejected Jesus all the time, but He still loved them and loved on them. I need to remember these things and not be filled with self-contempt. I am glad I am not a downer all the time anymore. I can get things out there and start working on them and keep going. It's the joy in the sorrows, you know? Much Love. 1 sword wielded| Wield your sword

You Know... [28 Aug 2007|01:05am] [ mood | thankful ] There are times, like today, when I just feel like I've absolutely failed as a friend. There have been people coming out of the wood work to help me in my time of need, and it has totally made me realize how much I've failed as a servant, too. I'm allowing God to work on me. To soften my heart. To humble me. Please know that I love you all and that I am so thankful for you. Phil 1:3 - I thank my GOD every time I remember you. 3 swords wielded| Wield your sword

I'm So Tired. [24 Aug 2007|10:51pm] [ mood | pissy ] I was telling Jennie, a Small Group member that I'm close to, that I'm just tired. The summer is ending, and things are fixing to speed up and I already feel like I can't breathe. School starts on Monday, I don't have all my books because I can't afford them, I start my job on Monday, but it's going to be so incredibly tedious, because I will, just like last semester, go straight from school to work and get off and have the entire evening to hang out with people we are reaching out with, and barely have time to work on my art projects, and sleep, and then get up early again. It will be a never, ever ending cycle. I have to work, because I need to pay off the LU. Remember? $512 a month, which is $4100 for the school year? Yeah. So, I HAVE to work, my credit card was sent to collection, and I sent them $125 so that I could avoid further problems. I need to go get emissions/safety tests done on my car, which will be about $45 all together, and then I was told it will be about $55 dollars (and maybe more), plus some kind of personal property tax for my license plates and tags. The reason why it might be more is because my friend Jenny told me that it cost her $300 dollars - she said it depended on what kind of shape your car is in. Hopefully mine won't cost much, because I have well over 200,000 miles on my car, I've got a dent the size of a large dinner place over my front, drivers side wheel well, my bumper is split in the middle, one hubcap, air conditioner doesn't work...etc, etc, etc. The end. I'm just tired. I'm scared about money. No matter how many money management classes I take, I'm still scared of money. I started a second bank account to rat hole money, had to drain that to pay off my cell phone bill, which was absolutely outrageous for some reason this month. And I pretty much have a little less than $25 to my name. Oh, wait, $26, because I have a $1 bill in my wallet. Yeah. I HATE BEING A BIG GIRL! I need to read my bood, Big Girls Don't Whine again. Grr. I'm in a pissy mood. The End. 4 swords wielded| Wield your sword

The Great... [22 Aug 2007|12:43pm] [ mood | reflective ] Pretender... My dad bought me the first full season of The Pretender, and I've spent some of yesterday and some of today watching the first disc. I loved this show so much. I see how cheesy it was, but I still and always will, love this show. Friend, Brother, Saint... I just sent my birthday wishes to koinegeek/Rit. He's been gone a little more than a year now, but There are days and days that go by sometimes, where I pray for his wife and son, hoping they've found the strength to move on and know that Rit's in a great place partying it up with Jesus on his birthday. Yeah. I miss talking with him, but I know he doesn't need to miss us anymore. His needs are completely and utterly fulfilled. Anyway, I'm going to do some more packing. I wish I could move into the dorms on Saturday, instead of Sunday. But, oh well. 2 swords wielded| Wield your sword

Why Am I So Tired? [14 Aug 2007|10:50am] [ mood | confused ] It's most likely the heat...and that I haven't been going to be very early at all. Bleh. Anyway, I was wondering if any of you had any ideas for a particular perdicament I am in. Are you ready? Here goes: All of my loans, my FAFSA, Perkins, etc. have been drawn and are covering all they can cover for this up-coming school year. But, I still owe $4100 dollars for the entire school year, that is both semesters. So, I went to the business office and they told me that they could put my on a payment plan for $512.50 per month. Not very tangible at all. My parents can't help me with this one, hands down, and...I'm not even sure what else to do! Yeah, I'll be working, but that's pretty much all I will be bringing in if that's the case. So, if I make at least $500 dollars a month (that's two pay checks), I won't have money for other expenses like gas, going bowling or to the movies with people we are reaching out to, or getting food for Cross Chat on Thursday nights, OR buying supplies that I need for all of my art classes (by the way, I think I forgot to tell you guys, I'm a Studio Arts emphasis in Graphic Arts major now, and I'm shooting to build up my portfolio so I can start Grad. school in the Spring. I'm excited!). So...yeah. Any ideas, friends? Any at all? 5 swords wielded| Wield your sword

So...I hate Doing this, but it's for a good cause! [10 Aug 2007|07:37am] Hey Guys! I wasn't going to do this online, but it's crunch time, and my church (which has no money at all - for real, I mean, we live on the Sunday offering and any donations our sister church mich be able to afford to give us) is trying to raise some money so that we can get a sound system because ours blew a couple weeks ago. We're selling Century Resources food and stuff to raise the money for it. So, I'm wondering if you might go to CenturyResources.com and type in Cross Between Campus Ministry in the organization field, and then from there click "search". Click on the blue number in front of my church's campus ministry, and then you can "Save without student name". You don't need a student name or anything. And then from there, you can pretty much search any category you want to. :) That would be really cool. No pressure or anything, as you know. Sorry for being non-existant as of late. I lost my job, and have been volunteering at a camp that my church goes to during the summer, and then just trying to get ready for school to start. My loans won't cover all my school stuff. So, it's been hectic. But, God is good! Anyway, I came back from the camp yesterday afternoon so that I could go to our Campus Revival and I'm headed back this morning because they're short staffed and they need help. Love y'all! Wield your sword

Reflecting. [17 Jul 2007|03:48pm] [ mood | reflective ] [ music | Zack Weber ] I was checking my Yahoo! email because my mom sent me an email today, and I noticed that I had some saved emails from when I used to date Josh. I read through them. There were only about a dozen I'd saved, probably because by the time I thought about saving his emails, a bunch of them had been deleted. Anyway, it was a little stab of pain, mixed with some good memories and lessons learned. At first when I read them today, I got angry. I was angry with him, angry with the reason he broke up with me (because, it was kind of dumb, and both of our hearts could have been saved had there been honesty in the beginning), and angry because since then I'd done that to myself three times. Well, the other three weren't boyfriends, they were just...I don't even know. Now, they are all three some of my closest friends, even Josh. How weird is that? Most girls are so hateful to their exs. Haha. Anyway, it just made me realize the whole reason why I'm not doing this again. Why I'm not going to put my heart out there. Too many times it's been that the guy likes me, and I like him more than he likes me, or I like the guy and he doesn't like me, but makes every move to say he does like me. So, I just pretty much realized...I'm finished. I'm done with putting my heart out there. And, if the right guy wants it, he had better work his butt off for it and prove himself, because I'm not doing that again. I'm married to my ministry. As soon as someone proves that all guys aren't the same, then I'll be happy. Until then, I like my brothers in Christ at the Crossings Church, because they protect me and love me for who I am. It may sound like I'm bitter...and I probably am, but I really don't mean to be. It's just I've given up giving my heart away and allowing it to be shattered. I'm truly and 110% happy and content for the first time in my entire life. I know I've said that before, but this time, I know what it feels like, and I am happy and content. God has done that for me, and I'm going to be dwelling in that for a very long time. The End. 5 swords wielded| Wield your sword

*DIES LAUGHING* [09 Jun 2007|05:43pm] [ mood | amused ] You're kidding me?! Did I fix it? Sorry for all the confusion, guys. LOL! I didn't mean to! I still love you and everything! And, aria624, YES! PLEASE! :) 4 swords wielded| Wield your sword

Oh my God! I don't get it! [06 Jun 2007|01:37am] [ mood | aggravated ] So, I wanted to weed through my friendslist, and LJ's got it all complicated and whatnot! Anyone care to tell me how to take people off my friendslist? It says "You can add or remove friends from your list at any time" and it shows the little green and blue arrows, but it doesn't say how to remove friends! BAH! Why does everything have to change and be all complicated and stuff? Suck big, hairy toe, LJ! 9 swords wielded| Wield your sword

Wow. [31 May 2007|10:01pm] [ mood | cheerful ] Hey guys! Guess what? I'm alive! What to tell you? 1) I ended up with an A, two B's and a C. That's a 3.5, and I'm content with that. I could have done better, but I will next time. 2) God is working on making me whole again. I figured out that something happened to me between last year about this time and just recently. Don't know what it was, but I was not the same person. God's been helping me heal from a lot of hurts. The people here in my church are very patient and there to help me through all of my struggles with self-righteousness, pride, stubborness, among many other things. I am so greatful.... 3) I've plateaued when it comes to my weight-loss. It's okay, though, cause I'm going to push through! I will be 180 pounds by the time I am 25! I WILL be! 4) I have no job. I've put out somewhere close to 20 applications, had one interview (complete with a no), two rejection phone calls, and a partridge in a pear tree. Pray for me to get a job, please. 5) I got Photoshop CS2 and it's A-MAZING! (THANKS SISSY!!!) I miss the students of the campus ministry who left for the summer. Two in particular, Giang (Zung) and Gabby. I am really close to both girls. Gabby is in my cell, and Giang and I, well, she's the other half of my heart. She's amazing. Giang is from Germany, but she's Vietnamese. Gabby is from Equador. I love my girls. I think that one thing I've learned that's been more and more stressed to me is love. I've learned how to love again. How to love deeper and stronger. How to meet people where they are...it's odd, because people from Harding would have thought I was that way anyway....I guess I wasn't. Anyway...God is transforming me and it's amazing... And I'm blessed...are you? (P.S. the answer is YES!) 7 swords wielded| Wield your sword

*Waves* [16 May 2007|01:15am] [ mood | sleepy ] I'm alive. I promise. It's finals week, and I tell you what, the end of school NEVER looked so beautiful. And I can truly say that, because this is my second time in school! Gah! I'll be going to Tennessee next week, and there will be at least two days out of next week that my mom and I drive to Searcy to get the rest of my stuff from storage and see a few people. We're only staying one night, so we were going to ask Jessie and Chris if they wouldn't mind us staying with them. So, pretty much it's Fulks, Bashaw (both sets) and Zeb that I am aiming to really touch base with. I'm going to take a picture and show you guys this huge, really awesome spider bite on my leg. It started out pretty small on Sunday, and by Monday it was kinda bad. So, I went to the doctor (without insurance) and they gave me medicine for it. People are freaking out, but the doctor didn't freak out, so I'm not. Plus, it's gotten a LOT better. So, I'm not worried at all. This summer I'm getting a membership at Club Fitness so I can do the rest of what I need to do for myself. I eat right, and I get better rest (Except for right now), so the next part is more physical stuff! I am probably going to get myself a personal trainer, too, depending on how much it costs me. If I get a personal trainer, I am going to get a guy, because they're hott and it'll just make me want to push myself that much more. In other news, I have one more final (in a few hours) and so I am going to go to bed. Much love! And, I am so sorry for leaving you guys in the dark all this time. Life is just too busy. It gets away with you. 5 swords wielded| Wield your sword

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